Sunday, October 28, 2012

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Heavy eye makeup.

Juxtaposed to completely no makeup, before jogging. Hahahaha.

One of the biggest regrets in my life is not taking up piano. :(


Halloween horror night @ USS on Thursday!

DIY bloody nails!

Tequila shots, 3 for $10. It was really bad without a slice of lemon.

We didn't get the express pass, and only managed to get into 2 haunted houses and a cylon ride. Dungeon of Damnation was really scary wtf. Nish fell and when she was crawling back up from the floor I thought she was the ghost. I was completely horrified. I forgot to ask if she fell back again because of me. I hope she didn't. I didn't realise it was her until the rest went "IT'S NISH IT'S NISH!!" Hahaha apparently I kept pushing Nat to the corner. I actually don't even know who I was grabbing or holding onto. I really just needed to be physically in contact with a human so I feel safer. Cylon was sooooo good. Better than I remembered.

Friday, October 26, 2012


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Wednesday, October 24, 2012



L: My tired face after school. :(
R: After swimming. The sun was too good to give it a miss.


New dress came in the mail~

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

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Pretty little unicorn that T sent me for our 2nd month! ^^ I love it and I sleep with it everyday! I don't usually sleep with any soft toy, but this is one exception. I can't believe he allowed it to travel 9000+ miles across oceans without a name. So there, meet Delilah. Delilah as in Hey there Delilah, what's it like in New York City. He told me that the shopkeeper sprinkled fairy dust (realistically, glitter) on it. When I received it I was over the moon and I truly, truly, truly felt like a princess. I'm not even kidding. That feeling lasted for a day.

I was just looking at the delivery order slip that came from the flowers that T sent to me, and saw these reasons for delivery failure. "REFUSE TO ACCEPT" hahaha shit, that's so funny and sad all at the same time.

This is my little Terlum. It evolved from a cute lil pink fluff to this relatively ugly thing, so I deleted the game.

THAT'S MY BABY!!! ^___^

Had 486 paper today. I am so glad it's over. What a disgusting day I had. I'm gonna take a nap. And probably and finally go for a run, if it doesn't rain.

Sunday, October 21, 2012


If you can look into the seeds of time 
And say which grain will grow and which will not
Speak then to me, who neither beg nor fear
Your favors nor your hate

Friday, October 19, 2012


T sent me the video #1 at 12 midnight! But kinda spoilt the moment with his message... -__-

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Hehe video #2. So cute he bought me 3 flowers... there.

Surprise! He had a basket of roses delivered right to my door step. ^_^ They are so small and adorable hehe the width of the biggest rose is only slightly bigger than a 50c coin. And they came with a bear hahaha.

I feel that after I posted this picture on instagram my life will never be the same. So might as well post it here too. Anyway he told me he was gonna take a picture with the 3 roses so I decided I should do the same. I plucked out 3 roses from the basket of roses hahaha and that's the unicorn he gave me for our 2nd month! I also just came out of the shower, which explains the towel on my head.

Thank you for being so patient with me, even when I'm being difficult.
Happy 3rd, and I love you. ♥♥♥
Have you seen the new Chanel No. 5 advert???

And here are the spoofs:

HAHAHAHAH I love Ellen. Always.
This must be some kind of joke. Just when I need to study for my upcoming test I just HAVE to fall sick. I can sneeze more than 10 times in one minute. And I hate, hate, hate sneezing in public because I can't stop it and I think my pre-sneeze face freaks people out. I am having a terrible headache. I need to sleep now. I want to cry. :'(

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

demon, n.
The advisory being in my head who sees everything wrong, and in seeing everything wrong, makes everything wrong.

― David Levithan

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x Another psych paper next Tuesday. I am so screwed. Haha.

x Je veux aller en boîte bientôt. Voulez-vous aller avec moi?

x If you encounter monsters, kill them with kindness.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I don't appreciate being completely misunderstood. Well, I saw this coming, haven't I? At least one person will make it sound as if he/she knows me so damn well based on a single blog entry, and leave me with a comment that illustrates a lack of understanding about what I wrote.

You don't know what I was put through, you don't know the things I have witnessed with my own eyes, and you don't know what kind of things were said to me, all of these things, by the person I love the most. The crippling insecurities I have now stemmed from all these experiences I have faced over a prolonged period of time and if you don't know any of it, you really don't know shit.

Nobody - and I repeat - NOBODY, will ever get where I am coming from unless they have been there. You DO NOT and you CANNOT and you will NEVER understand exactly how I feel, and how fucking difficult it is for me to cope with this handicap. I really don't expect anyone to understand, but what I hate getting is stuff that sounds like I'm the superficial one and I'm just asking for more and more when I'm already good enough.

NO, I am not the one who wants more. The one who wants more is the one who has me, but whose eyes I can't keep on me. And NO, I am not good enough. I can have a hundred people telling me I am. But if the one I love the most is so damn easily attracted to another for her looks, then no, I am never fucking good enough. And I will never be.

Maybe I am being too sensitive about a harmless comment maybe it's just late at night maybe I just need some sleep. But it does not change the fact that this is a very personal issue to me and I feel like I will never be able to feel better because there are just some things you cannot change, and every single time I am at this I have to break into tears. So fucking hopeless.

Things are better now. But I can't just deny that my past experiences have shaped me into who I am today.

Monday, October 15, 2012


This is how it has always been, and will always be:

You have to be aesthetically pleasing. You have to be sexually appealing. And by society's standards, it means big boobs, perky ass, hot legs, and perhaps long luscious hair. You don't necessarily need to have the best face, because your curves will be able to make up for it. But having the perfect set of seductive eyes and sexy lips, on top of that voluptuous body? Fuck yes, all hail The Goddess. You will rule, and boys will drool.

Without even trying, you will have all the attention of the XY. You will be the object of desire. You will ooze sexuality. You will be the life of the party. All eyes on you, baby.

Your character, your personality, your eloquence, your sense of humor, your amiability - things like these are currently irrelevant. They are important, but not at this point. Because who gives a shit? No one with a dick approaches you because you have a brilliant mind. And he definitely isn't talking to you because you have a big heart.

The not-knowing is thrilling, the ambiguity is intriguing, the novelty is captivating. You just have to be physically attractive. And you win.

And me? Still struggling to keep my head above my sea of insecurities.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Free People

Free People.
The hair. The buns. The rings. The rings. The rings.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Or maybe you’ll grow distant first. Perhaps you’ll become the Sun and I, the Earth — turning in on myself to revolve around you because you are the light and what keeps me warm. Me rotating around you. Your selfishness so belittling that one day, I’ll become too small to be the Earth. So you’ll take my place, and I’ll become your moon. This is a better fit because some days I’ll appear to be whole but others? I’ll look like I’m half, or a quarter, or just a tiny sliver of who I was. On rare occasions, we’ll still align. I will pass through your shadow and bask in your sunlight; my face awash in gold and red and I’ll remember the way things were. But lunar eclipses, they’re few and far between and they’re not enough to save us.

Perhaps one moon won’t be enough for you, eventually. Eventually you’ll want what the others have, you’ll want eight moons or sixteen moons or more, so you’ll become Saturn. You’ll have more rings, more moons than you’ll know what to do with. And I will have no choice but to take the hint. I’ll be Pluto: downgraded and disregarded and cast aside. “You’re not even a planet anymore,” you’ll say, and I’ll know we’ll never be the same again. I’ll feel really, really small.

— Stephanie Georgopulos, You Are The Sun | Thought Catalog


Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.

I am left with no other choice.

Friday, October 12, 2012

daily, adj.

The minimum frequency at which I question our relationship; also, the minimum frequency at which I find it worth it.

― David Levithan

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

There are four styles of attachment. I would very much love to say I have a secure attachment style, but I would be lying. I have a preoccupied attachment style. Low on avoidance, and high on anxiety. I really kind of blame my biological processes, my genetic tendencies, and my childhood. Because intimate adult relationships are influenced and shaped by earlier parent-child attachment. Attachment style can change, but not always for the better. And I'm afraid I might soon be re-categorised into the fearful-avoidant.

It's scary how certain experiences can shape you into something you never thought you would morph into.
“And you'll always love me won't you?” 
“And the rain won't make any difference?” 

― Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

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Wish you were here. :'(