Thursday, June 28, 2012

Ridley!! Haha she looks so fake here.

Manolo! I think.

Tuesday dinner. The stingray was awful.

We were thinking of having ice cream @ Raffles City.
T: Absolutely chocolate.
Me: ??? huh??
T: *brimming with confidence* ABSOLUTELY chocolate! You know???
Me: You mean awfully chocolate...

Rings of the day.

{ odette new york }

Time is running out. I am sick of feeling insecure and I hate all the uncertainties. I absolutely do not deserve to be feeling like this.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

yearning, n. and adj.

At the core of this desire is the belief that everything can be perfect.

The Lover's Dictionary

T's itchy backside hahahahahaha :'D

The topless picture is too adorable. He never changed. Especially his mouth. Haaaaaahahahahah.

Friday dinner: Crystal Jade @ Holland V.

Sunday breakfast: Sliced fish soup.

Sunday lunch: Ayam penyet.

Sunday dinner: Popiah.

Weekends with you are always so lovely, no matter how much you seem to upset me.

And if this isn't bliss, then I don't know what is.

Monday, June 25, 2012

I think my self-esteem must have hit a whole new low. I hate feeling as though I am constantly being compared with somebody else. And I hate it even more that I always feel like I'll never be able to measure up. Physical attraction. Lust. How does it feel like to be emotionally secure in a relationship? How is it like to feel that you're actually enough for somebody, and that anyone else that comes along can never be a threat?

Thursday, June 21, 2012


I have been thinking about it for a few days, and it's becoming more and more apparent to me: how many lies it takes to build a relationship. Be it big lies, small lies, white lies or half truths. We like hearing things we want to hear. So we tell, and are being told, accordingly.

Tonight I realized how sometimes, truth works better.

I love talking to you, and I love being able to talk to you. I love it even more that you are willing to listen and talk to me. I love that embarrassed smile on your face when I point out something you didn't realize about yourself, or when I leave you tongue-tied because you have nothing to use against my argument (I also actually quite like the idea of winning in the most childish sense of the phrase). I love how you try to reassure me whenever I get all insecure, which is honestly pretty damn often.

Ever since you came back I know I have been letting it all out on you. I have been difficult to handle, moody and unpredictable. Bringing up the past, making a mountain out of a molehill, blowing up at the slightest thing. I am so afraid to be let down again so I get all pissed off and angry because I don't want to appear soft and vulnerable.

But you never stop trying, even though it must be hard on you too.

And you love me, even at my most unlovable.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Don't bring up the past. How is it possible for me to not bring up the past when it is still in my head, when I haven't even healed. Every time I am reminded of those disgusting words you said to me I feel so fucking angry all I wanna do is cry. You have complete disregard for my feelings. You don't ever think of the consequences of your words. You have scarred me. How is anything you do now able to compensate for that. 

Am I being stupid for wanting to work this out again. When you love somebody, you let down your guard. When you love somebody, you are giving them a chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.

And I don't trust you. Can people really change.

Time is running out. I am so fucking sick of feeling like this. All the fucking pent up frustrations. Where the fuck do I vent.

Monday, June 18, 2012

punctuate, v.

Cue the imaginary interviewer:
      Q: So when all is said and done, what have you learned here?
      A: The key to a successful relationship isn’t just in the words, it’s in the choice of punctuation. When you’re in love with someone, a well-placed question mark can be the difference between bliss and disaster, and a deeply respected period or a cleverly inserted ellipsis can prevent all kinds of exclamations.

The Lover's Dictionary


Blue velvet!

Durian pancake! :9

Finally had a hair cut after such a long time! My hair looks so much healthier now.

You make things worse.

But you always make them better.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

better, adj. and adv.

Will it ever get better?
      It better.
      Will it ever get better?
      It better
      Will it ever get better?
      It better.

The Lover's Dictionary

My favorite. It's "macarons" right? Why do people keep saying/spelling it as "macaroons"??! Macarons and macaroons are different things!

From my favorite boy o^_^o

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Last Wednesday Night


Glitter all over the room.

Monday, June 11, 2012

blemish, n.

The slight acne scars. The penny-sized, penny-shaped birthmark right above your knee. The dot below your shoulder that must have been form when you had chicken pox in third grade. The scratch on your neck – did I do that?
       This brief transcript of moments, written on the body, is so deeply satisfying to read.

The Lover's Dictionary


Saturday: TROUSE BROTHERS @ ZOUK! With T and his brother! Bumped into Narm and friends. :D I died. Blue spin and Long Island, you did not fail me.

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z3 z

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Hunter is so freaking adorable. He loves being scratched on his head.

Dinner at Wild Honey on Friday night! The one at Scotts is really better than Mandarin Gallery's.
English for T.

European for me.


I don't say it but I feel so perfectly happy especially when I get to spend time with you alone. We don't have to be watching a movie, checking out a new place, having some romantic candle light dinner, dancing to slow music, or going on a road trip. We don't necessarily have to be doing anything. I could sit next to you doing absolutely nothing and still be immensely contented.

But I want to know how it's like to love someone without being crippled by insecurities.

Sometimes I get upset and release all these months of pent up frustrations. I am skeptical and suspicious and paranoid and negative because I am scared. I reject your willingness to try, I brush away your attempts at reassurances and I refuse to believe sweet nothings that you say, because I am scared. I say NO to many things that you have been trying to tell me, but deep down inside I am hoping as hell that you mean it.

I deny myself things that I clearly want. Because honestly I am incapable of handling the same shit another time.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Happy 21st, Suria!

Cupcakes baked by Nat and Adlin! Soooooo yummy!!! :9

@Butter after the birthday surprise. IT WAS SO HOT INSIDE. And... I needed help because I was too sober. -___-



To the lovely person who left 8 parts of comment on my formspring but didn't want me to publish it, thank you. :') I really appreciate it and I hope things go well for you too! xxx