Thursday, May 17, 2012

Pretty disorder

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All these were taken before I started crying (yeah again). I started when I went back to my table after drinking with Wilson. I don't know how I ended up outside Zouk toilet (I started at Phuture) with Joshua but when Jared came to look for me I was in such a mess, crying and babbling at the same time, saying shit like "ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME. WHY. WHY ARE ALL GUYS LIKE THAT. THEY JUST WANT SEX. THAT'S ALL." I was at it for god knows how long. I told Jared I wanted to go home. We went to get his car. At the front seat I was STILL at it. I can't even imagine how ridiculous I must have looked.

It was the first night that I didn't hit the dance floor at all. I was just drinking. And crying. And I reached home at 4 plus? I drank and cried for so long?? The fuck.

I cried because it wasn't a very happy night to begin with. I felt sadder after drinking with W and I started to think of how people can be so nice to you at the beginning and suddenly just leave without a word and I cried. I thought of how it was going well but because of that ONE thing that's happened I just feel like everything is changing and I cried more. Then I thought of how I must have ruined it and I cried harder.

I was right. Happiness like this is indeed frightening. When you are this happy, be prepared to have something taken away from you.

I am going out of my mind: The Long Island last night was extra long, my eyes are still puffy, I can't stop thinking about day 6, and for the record, I wasn't talking about T at all.

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