Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Didn't I?

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I thought of what happened between us all the way from the end of 2010. I thought of how nice you used to be and I kind of miss that. I thought of how you left the first time and what it reduced me to. I thought of how I had to get over it but never actually gotten over it because I still thought of you once in a while. It was about 9 months? I thought of how you came back into my life and how it progressed into something else. Of course those times you pushed me away weren't at all pleasant. It was unpredictable. I was there when you needed me and was still there even if you didn't. It was a roller coaster ride, being brought all the way up just to be dropped down. I thought of how we started seeing each other and how happy I felt even though I didn't say it. I thought never walking away paid off. I finally felt, even for a bit, that I mattered to you. I finally felt that it was possible for things to work out. Even with the distance. I knew it would be very difficult, but that didn't stop me from trying. I took the chance even though I was afraid. And I believed that you wanted this to work too.

How naive am I? How stupid of me. You make it sound like I'm asking for the moon, when all I really want is for you to care about me. But you're too busy with all that's going on there. You're so occupied. And I miss having a real conversation with you. Or maybe behind the hustle and bustle you simply can't be bothered with me anymore. I can feel you forgetting me.

I saw this coming, didn't I.

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