Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Keep breaking my own rules, playing your love fool.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Losing game

You know what the problem is? Ego. Pride. Oh, it’s your fault, I'm not gonna text you first/ You don't care so why should I/ No, you should be the one apologizing/ Yeah, you first.

So both of you play this waiting game. Waiting like fools, oblivious to, and ignorant of such an amazing thing you are already holding on to. You think too much and you feel too little. And you wonder how it slipped right through your fingers.

What happens when love is disappointed? This disappointment turns to anger. Once this madness retreats, a massive wave of sadness overwhelms you. So you stay angry for as long as you can. And behind the anger lies the ravenous desire for love. They fail to give it a name. This is the kind of revenge that you usually use against the people who derail you at a moment’s notice. You want to give them the taste of their own medicine. You want to arouse in them a little sensitivity and awareness of how you felt, enough for them to realize how much emotional torment you have been through. This is the kind of revenge not brought by the promise of justice, not rooted from hate, but from love.

When you give someone the power to break you, they abuse it like it’s their prerogative. So to guard your heart, you cage your feelings. You morph into a clam: cold, hard and tightly shut. You build walls: formidable and impenetrable. You become capable of apathy.


But you gain nothing out of making them regret what they did to you. And keeping them out is not “you winning”.

It’s everyone still losing.

The Word Made Flesh

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I love love love sushi. My love for sushi will never die. Satisfied by craving before inking!

Short touched up her old tattoo on her wrist, and got another one done on her right shoulder:
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Look at the expressions of those 3 things on Deon's shirt hahaha how apt.

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How adorable is her Doraemon tongue stud!!

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Complimentary tauhuey hahahaha. They are actually cream for our tattoos.

And mine:
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Not as painful as my first one, because it's nowhere near the ribs. Still hurt nonetheless. But I almost fell asleep.


dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind)

trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward)

― e e cummings

Saturday, February 25, 2012

GARETH EMERY @ Zouk

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These are the pictures from my phone because the damage done to my camera is irreversible. It was quite disappointing, heard the opening was crazy but we were not inside yet! :/ Nonetheless I had so much fun with Nat + the usual guys! :D My favorite group of clubbers ever. I LOVE CONCRETE ANGEL AND SANCTUARY. I love Gareth Emery. He's so cute. I am still a little deaf from last night.

Narm's Chalet/ Airport

18 Feb: Narmadha's early birthday chalet!
I lost two studs. The gem from my favorite ring fell off. :( I threw up twice. I bit narm's finger because she was trying to make me puke. I hit Rup's nose by accident because we were dancing and it bled. I kind of shouted at everybody because I was happy drunk. Gwen was my best friend for the night. I hugged her to sleep and our legs were over each other and apparently we looked like we had some "intense make out session" and they thought we had something going on hahahahaha. The best part is, we never spoke in SA. I had the WORST hangover the next day.

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I have always thought that beers suck because they are so hard to swallow but I had two cans that night and it was how it all started.

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I don't look very pleased hahahahahaha

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Nat's face.

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*

Sent Cheryl and Rupini off!

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I was trying to uncurl Narm's fringe.

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Hahaahahaha model!

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Haha Adlin so cute!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

No, darlings, I am not attached.

Snail mail

Sent a parcel over for valentine's day. I tracked it and found out that it was delivered on the 8th. It sounds quite stupid but when I saw the word "delivered" my heart pounded hahaha. T didn't mention anything and I didn't want to spoil the surprise so I didn't ask. On the 10th, I couldn't take it anymore so I told him about it. Stupid move. sTupID. STUPID. He then went to check his mailbox and yeah the notice was already inside. If only I had waited a bit more. :( Aiyaaaa itchy fingers. Might as well have told him when I sent it. :/

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Quite a bit of work to measure and draw and cut and paste. But it was all worth my effort. :')

And to my surprise,
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:D :D :D

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Freudian slip spotted. This person wants to sell me. ;(


I know I didn't seem exceptionally thrilled about what I received but that doesn't mean I appreciate it any less. Receiving things from you make me happy, no doubt. But I love the letter more. It was actually the first thing that I looked for the moment I unwrapped the parcel. Handwritten. Content carefully considered. Personally handled. Scent that I can identify with. Most importantly, it's flawed. Errors. Imperfections. More meaningful, more personal. I love thoughtful, handwritten notes, even if they are on scrap papers. They are irreplaceable.

I really love it when the people who matter most write me letters. :')

Sunday, February 19, 2012

If only you knew how terrified I am

One of the worst feelings is wanting you to be here with me but knowing you can’t because you are more than nine thousand miles away. Thinking of the empty upcoming months doesn’t make it any easier but I can’t help it. I look forward to your return everyday and I think of all the wonderful things we would be doing together. I make up road trips and adventures and lazy afternoons in my head. I think of how wonderful it would still be even if we weren’t doing anything because just having you here is what matters most. And I think of how happy I would be.

If there was a list of things to be afraid of in LD I have exhausted that list. I have lost it once, but it doesn’t mean that losing it again would be any easier. I think of potential temptations. I think of lust. I think of trust. I think of feelings. The fears keep creeping in. I hate these insecurities that I have. I feel so scared especially when we fight. Because fighting exhausts both parties. Because sometimes all we need is a single touch to be reassured, but you are there and I am here and there is no physical contact. We use words to make up for the lack of physical intimacy and we all know words are never enough. Because people forget. They forget how it feels like to bask in the presence of each other. They forget how it feels like to be together. They forget how and why they fell for each other in the first place. The spark did not just disappear; they blew it out themselves. They tear down what they have built up with their own hands. They give up. And all it takes is just ONE party to lose heart, and everything else wouldn’t count.

You know how they always say that things like this won’t work out? That waiting is just a waste of time so why not save the fruitless attempt? People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are trying to.

When I agreed to wait I already knew what I was in for. To say that it’s agonizing would be an understatement, but I am not complaining. Because it’s gonna be worth it.

But I wish you knew how terrified I am.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Retrospect

Nish's 21st at Fullerton:
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I went as a cat and I made the tail by myself at the eleventh hour. :D

Belated pictures from MBS. I don't think I have posted them.
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Specially chosen underwear for each of us from Cheryl and Rupini!

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Always.

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Nat is happily jumping at the back hahaha.

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I love wearing my TEAM SAJC shirt.