Saturday, November 26, 2011

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

What's with this emotional eating? I used to lose my appetite whenever I'm going through something like this, but this time I keep feeding my feelings. It's as though I'm hoping that stuffing myself with food would fill the emotional void in me. Except it doesn't.

I have been mistaken and misunderstood, and my words misinterpreted. I have given an explanation on my part, but I guess if an image like this has been imprinted this hard, nothing I say is ever gonna change that impression. I should probably just shut up from now on because my best intentions never ever do any good anyway.

I woke up today with disgustingly puffy eyes. Most of the time if I want something, nothing will ever exhaust me. But this I should probably just give up. Because it's one-sided. Because I look at you with feelings and you never gave me a single glance. Because it feels like hell to be built up just to be torn back down. Because it hurts so bad to hold on to something that only exists in my head. Because I don't know what else to do.

:'( Guess I'll never see Hunter again.

“I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death; and flung it back to me. People feel with their hearts, Ellen, and since he has destroyed mine, I have not power to feel for him.”
― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights


Anonymous said...

Hello, I don't know you personally and I forgot how I stumbled upon this place ages ago, totally feeling like a creepy stalker but I have to say this: Read what you wrote and it gave me a squishy feeling in my heart because I felt all those same emotions 2 years back. Though I would love to claim that I have found back my old self a little more but those feelings, they still come back and haunt me. Every now and then, at the most unexpected moments. All that you wrote about emotional eating (love that phrase about feeding your feelings), everything being one sided and stubbornly hanging onto something that probably isn't there to start with.. I swear, you really put how I felt back then into such beautiful precise words. Sometimes I think I made him up in my head.

Always so amazed that people completely unrelated to me can speak my heart out so well, be it random blogs I follow or cliche tumblr quotes. No encouraging words to offer because I've been there, and no kidding it really felt like shit. It may sound like a very distant outcome, but you will be okay. Doesn't matter when, as long as we turn out okay in the end. When you feel as if you're reached rock bottom, at least you know the only way out is to get back up, so chin up :)

P.S. Oh man can't believe I'm so impulsive as to write such a wordy chunk to a complete stranger, too embarrassing. I don't mean to make it sound as if I understand how it is like for you, I probably don't.. Even if what you wrote seemed to me like you're telling my story too. Please don't take offense! And lastly I am really not a creepy stalker. Goodnight X Please be okay.

Kathleen said...

Hello! Thank you for your kind words, from the bottom of my heart. I rarely receive comments, and I really really appreciate it! No need for encouraging words; your comment is an encouragement by itself. :')

Nope, I'm not offended, and I believe you're not a creepy stalker! Hahaha. I hope things are well for you now. And yeah your comment cheered me up! Goodnight xx