Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Raw

Planned to get some work done but I've been crying for the past two hours instead. Sometimes I really wonder why I have so much tears in me. The day before my ntr paper I spent so much time crying and thinking instead of doing another revision, but ok at least I found out that I am one mark shy from the full 50 so that cheered me up today.


I don't feel angry and I don't blame you. I don't even feel anything that makes me wanna go up and punch you (if anything I think my fist would hurt instead). I just feel so... sad. I am so overwhelmed I can't even think of a better word than sad.

Every time I intentionally stare at your name at the top of our whatsapp convo I feel the sudden rush of everything that happened in the past one year that we've known each other. It stirs up so much emotion, and yet I feel so painfully empty at the same time. I suppose this means nothing to you, and you probably don't care because I don't matter anyway. I think you made that quite clear. But for me, there's this permanent hole in my heart that nobody has yet to, and I don't think will ever fill - the very one you left 11 months ago. Because no matter how much I hate to admit it, no matter how much conviction I have when I say I don't give two fucks about you, I always, and will always have this soft spot for you.

Although recollection is in the eye of the beholder, and no two held up side by side will ever quite match, this is the way I will always remember those seemingly insignificant moments, no matter how many times you will always forget it.

Round fucking 2.
:'(

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