Thursday, December 30, 2010

Clap your hands if you're working too hard.

Two more days to a brand new year! Probably not doing anything for countdown since it's mid shift for me on the 31st and morning shift on the 1st! Last day of work will be on the 12th. I've been working and working at the expense of my social life. I really miss my friends. I know I missed out a lot and I'm so sorry for my absence. ):

Before sem1 ended I actually told myself that I MUST spend this holiday playing like crAaAZzzYy. Never intended to go back to work at TS, but I'm honestly glad I did. Although it's only been a very short period of 2 weeks, I really like my colleagues. (: I love being in an environment like this where everyone's so friendly! Breaking the ice is effortless. Putting a smile on people's faces every single day feels awesome and it definitely beats playing my holidays away for my own pleasure.

Supposed to look like this ^.^ hahahahaha alrighty goodnight.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

But I disappear into the person I love.

I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog’s money, my dog’s time – everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Help, head. Help heart.

The tough thing about following your heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you to places you shouldn’t be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring, and sometimes your heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending.

N told me, just live and don't bother thinking. Live for the moment, they say? Just don't think and things will be a lot easier. It's easy, to dive in head first, without thinking of the consequences. It's easy, to trick a heart. It's easy, short-lived happiness. But heart aches don't get any easier. The feeling is real and that's all I'm left with at the end of the day.

I'm deeply affected, all the time. 'cause I'm slammed shut but once I give my heart away, it gets returned in a completely different state - bruised and battered. (Your) undecided heart makes such a mess. You should know better than anyone else, that I don't deserve this at all.

And you're asking me why.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Today is my only day off for the week. I was supposed to go for a tan but the weather wasn't too good. I woke up without half my voice. My throat is terribly sore. Started since two days ago I think? I've been taking whatever I can find but it still isn't any better. I finished half a jar of honey in three days. Seriously it hurts so much that I feel like crying omg I need to grow up. Sorry just let me whine for a while ok? I can't eat properly and even though I'm tired I take so long to fall asleep 'cause it's so painful. :'( I see a cold coming and I really need another day off. ): Pretty please I need to feel better tomorrow. I need my voice and energy to serve customers. My throat is being such a bitch yknowwwww. ): Sigh.

What a mess I've made again.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

My heart is a soldier.

Of course I can handle another disappointment. What's new anyway.

Friday, December 24, 2010

You've got the love.

Work was awesome! ^^ I love working during festive seasons and mid/end season sales, I love the crowd 'cause it gets me moving. It gets really crazy sometimes but I love being busy like a bumble bee. I love meeting new people everyday and I love helping. I love it when customers respond to my smile, when they walk away with my recommendations, when they say "thank you" so genuinely. I love putting a smile on their faces and that's probably my biggest motivation.

Merry christmas eve! Be kind to one another. (:

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Heartache, cleverly disguised as a gift.

The door was open. True, she didn’t exactly open it herself. Her butler opened it for her. His name is Boredom. She said, ‘Boredom, fetch me a plaything.’ He said, ‘Very good ma’am,’ and putting on his white gloves so that the fingerprints would not show he tapped at my heart and I thought he said his name was Love.

It's all the same, isn't it? I don't know what I've ever done to deserve this. I really don't. Not once, not twice, but thrice. It ultimately isn't anyone's fault but mine. I never fail to misread everything. I'm so good at setting myself up for disappointment. I don't know how many lessons I must learn, how many heartaches I have to go through before the fool in me finally disappears. Silly right, thinking someone would catch me.

I don't think anyone actually understands that this isn't what I want, that I'm not like this, that I'm not yearning for some form of instant gratification. That I ignore my head most of the time and follow my heart. My foolish, naive, wishful heart. That my heart is capable of loving and feeling and then aching and breaking because of people like you, you and you.

It's all the same. It leaves a void. It only leaves a void. Am I just too damn easy?

Friday, December 17, 2010

Beat or sparks

Butter on Wednesday night!






Quite a good night and I love the UB girls! ♥

I'm gonna start work on Sunday! I can't decide how I should feel about it. Kinda excited to go back but the trends are ever changing so I have to adapt all over again. Come and visit me ok? Hahaha. Zouking later! xx

Thursday, December 16, 2010


Intended to study at home on my birthday since papers were just around the corner. Seriously bad timing but anyway my lovely friends came over to surprise me! How sweet. (: My mum kinda spoilt it though. The night before she came into my room saying, "Tidy up your room, you have a surprise tomorrow." And on the 11th itself she said, "I've already put some drinks in the fridge. Later if, let's say IF, anyone comes, get the drinks for them ok." and then, "Actually I'm not supposed to tell you but I feel bad if I don't, so later when your friends are here to surprise you, act like you're surprised ok?" ?!?!?! My mother.

Nat said, "I can imagine you like this and pregnant."

Pls look at Sarahj.

Hahahahaahah our cheerleader smile.



I turned 19 in tears hahaha. That day was such an emotional day I don't know why. :/ I cried for like 10min at 0000++ 'cause I was so touched by all the wishes. And I was in such a bad mood in the afternoon but then my friends came and turned it all around. Supper with fav boy and he bought me a pretty night lamp 'cause I'm too afraid of the dark to sleep alone haha omg my friends are so sweet! (: So blessed. (:

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The History of Love.

After that day when I saw the elephant, I let myself see more and believe more. It was a game I played with myself. When I told Alma the things I saw she would laugh and tell me she loved my imagination. For her I changed pebbles into diamonds, shoes into mirrors, I changed glass into water, I gave her wings and pulled birds from her ears and in her pockets she found feathers, I asked a pear to become a pineapple, a pineapple to become a lightbulb, a lightbulb to become a moon, and the moon to become a coin I flipped for her love, both sides were heads: I knew I couldn’t lose.

And now, at the end of my life, I can barely tell the difference between what is real and what I believe. For example, this letter in my hand – I can feel it between my fingers. The paper is smooth, except in the creases. I can unfold it, and fold it again. As certain as I am sitting here now, this letter exists.

And yet.

In my heart, I know my hand is empty.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Hey there beautiful,

Personal Shopper Amy Zgraja from the UK!

Amy Zgraja and the local style advisors.

This is the longest that I've been stucked at home. Eat, sleep, study, internet and the whole cycle repeats. This period of time I've only left the house thrice. For macs breakfast, jogging, and swimming/ tanning. Miss my friends ):

So tomorrow's the first paper which is NTR and I'm starting to feel scared. It's not like I've been studying very hard, but somehow it feels like I'm studying for As. Time is passing at such an incredibly slow speed that I think the motivation to study is barely there already. I can't wait for my last paper which will be on the 14th!